I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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