Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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