Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
