You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
