He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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