my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
