I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize