I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
