He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
