Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
