Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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