so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
