Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
