gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
