He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
