im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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