It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
