Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
