Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
