barbara walters just said penis...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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