JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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