and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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