There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
