i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
