so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
