I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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