I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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