I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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