I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
