maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
