So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
