Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
