we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
MIDGETS
????
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
