I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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