I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
