i think i have herpe
just one?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize