You smell like stripper and shame
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
