I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize