Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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