I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
