JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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