So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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