the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
