if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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