I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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