Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
