I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
