remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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