what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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