is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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