Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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