He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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