so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize