Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
