I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
