why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
