im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
