she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Screwed.edu
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
