He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
