I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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