now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
ok first of all what the fuck
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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