I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just pee around me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
