sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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