haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
