Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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