Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
