All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We need to get me chipped asap
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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