i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
