Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
that may or may not have been my penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
