I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
