i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
