How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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