It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
