Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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