I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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