We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
