i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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